I Fear...

I have been through a lot.

I have loved, I have cared for, I have brushed other people and opportunities out of the way just to be focused on the person I have loved most. I have sacrificed a lot of things just to make sure things will work out but things didn't go well inspite of everything I did.

The pain is unexplaineable. It is like I have been cheated, lied to, used and abused by someone who I entrusted my whole person to. And it is SUPER painful (I know a lot of people can relate to the superlative degree of pain I described). And the fear build up is too high, too strong and very solid.

What do i fear about?
Do I fear about being hurt again? Do I fear about being cheated and being abused again? Of course these are all a portion of the fear I have in me.

But what do I fear the most?
I fear that if I try to care for somebody, If I loved somebody again, it will not be the same intensity that I gave before. I fear that the trust I will give will not be full and it is not fair for the person who is going to commit his self for me. I fear that the full meaning of love will not be meant because there is fear in my heart. I do not want to hurt somebody as much as I do not want to get myself hurt. Especially if that somebody is willing to help me build all my dreams, all my hopes and happiness - all of me again.