“If it's dead, don't go
digging it every five minutes to check if there's a pulse. If it's dead,
it's dead! Walk away!"
But let's face it. Not all relationships have that they-lived-happily-ever-after
-endings. Not everyone comes with a ring. Or, sometimes, even rings
get damaged or get broken. Some feelings die away and affair has to end.
Relationships don't work for different reasons: couple getting tired of each
other, partners being consumed by pride, contradictory priorities or goals,
lacking trust, third party issues, etc. Whatever it may be, one or the
other party is left hurting. And sans exaggeration that is one of the
most excruciating pain one could ever experience.
I've been through this kind of pain before and I thought I was not
going to get through it. I've cried day and night - for weeks, for
months, for years and I realized I was getting drained. I was growing old,
looking unattractive and my negativity chased people away. I've lost love, I
was losing again… and fast. I was losing friends, was losing new
opportunities to be happy, and was losing myself. We can't deny it losing
someone we love is never easy. I cried all the tears I need to cry. I
needed that time to grieve, that "alone" time. But after the
storm comes the rainbow, moving on is the way to go. I had to give myself
the chance to be happy again... and that was the best part.
I learned that in a relationship, your being caring doesn't keep a
man. Your being attractive doesn't keep a man. Your being honest
doesn't keep a man. Your being thoughtful doesn't keep a man. Your being
smart doesn't keep a man. You cannot keep anyone if they do not want
to be kept. Forcing it will only hurt you more. Have that self respect and make a
decision to leave and let go. Close that door and open a new one. There is
someone, somewhere out there who you will want to keep and is dying to be kept
by you. When that instant comes, you will regret all those time you wasted
getting sad. You will wish that you should have used that time developing your
skills. You should have spent those times rediscovering your self-worth. So do
not prolong your agony. Cry, let go, move on, wear that confident smile
and meet that special person who will make you complete again.
It is easier said than done. I understand that too.
But you do not have a choice. At the end of the day you have to do
something. You have nobody to help yourself but you. Shake off that
negativity and move on. What should you do to get over this? Lots! Well
this is what I did.
- First, I avoided trips to the past. Going to places and thoughts that will remind
you of your pain will not help. Explore new places. Stop over thinking.
- Stop stalking his fb, his twitter or instagram
accounts to confirm if he has forgotten you. You are adding salt to your wounds. Ban
yourself from clicking those "forbidden sites."
- I associated myself with positive people. I learned from them, laughed loud with them.
Laughter ever since is always the best medicine. It reduces stress
hormones. It also releases endorphins that can relieve some physical
pains.
- I pressed myself to learn new things - photography, baking; I went to the gym, learned
new language. I got myself busy and that helped improved my
self-esteem.
- I read the scriptures. Reading the Bible uplifts my spirit. It built my
trust in God and me.
I learned that
happiness brought about by an external source fades. The real foundation of
happiness is from within. That I on my own is already complete. I have sufficient
love to give. I am confident, beautiful and happy. Remember this: A happy heart
attracts love, in fact, a lot of it.
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