I Woke Up...

Looking at me 5 years back. I was in a big mess. I was not sleeping at all because I was always thinking about what is happening to my marriage, to my life. Why these things are happening? How could this happen to me? Why am I so unlucky? I had less sleep, less food, more worrying, more assuming, more on feeling sad and having self pity. I became, skinny, dry-looking, tired, worn out, ugly person. I was hoping people will sympathize with me. But they didn't. In fact one of them even stole from me. Did people believe that somebody stole from me? Most didn't. Some even said I just made it up to cover up for the bad things that were happening to me. I heard people were talking about me - "pulutan" as one of the white friends married to a Filipina said. They were laughing at me, ridiculing me and even persecuting me. They judged me as if they have known how I lived as a person. They do not anymore greet me whenever we meet, it felt like they were ashamed, too ashamed to be associated with me. And I saw all these. I witnessed what the popular saying meant "If you laugh, the world laughs with you. If you cry, you cry alone."

So I woke up. I learned my lessons. I did not entertain bad thoughts anymore. I left in God's hands all my worries. Literally, I did. I prayed and said "Lord, I can't handle this anymore. Take this all away from me." I let go of things that were beyond my control. I read about good things. I thought about positive things. I associated myself with people who talked about positive possibilities. I did not care about what "other" people said, I just looked at the bright side of everything. I waited for the sun to shine after each storm. I saw rainbows and bright lights, good things. Then I met all people again with my smiles. They are all smiling back at me now. I realized I was able to conquer myself. I was able to stand up again. And the same people who were looking down, persecuting me before, are here with open arms, as if they were the ones who uplifted me-wanted to be categorized as my saviour. In fact, I am so thankful to them. If they were not there to press me down I could not see myself as I am now. I would not do anything to stand up so they cannot stamp on me. And I realized how very, very few friends i really have. And now that I have gone stronger and braver. My real friends are the ones who are so silent about their contribution. I appreciate them with all my heart.

Now I have become stronger person. I learned, the caliber of a person is not how well she prepares for everything to go right, but how she stands up and moves on after everything has gone wrong.