Posted on my office wall:
Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things:
1) Is it true?
2) Is it kind?
3) Is it necessary?
It is right to say something that is true, but is it kind to say the truth? Is it necessary that you say an unkind truth? Funny that I read this everyday but I still tend to forget it. My memory fails me? No. My self control fails me. Saying something needs a real good decision-making, too, even though it is the truth.
I know a person who gossips a lot and makes somebody look really very bad. We know each other only by name and I am very sure he doesn't know me at all. One day, a close friend told me that this guy commented something "below the belt" about me. I was so furious because I have never met a person who can easily say rude words to somebody not acquainted to him. I did not let the day pass without giving this person a lesson. Immediately I contacted the commander of police and lodged my complaint. They picked him up from his office, started questioning him and even asked him to surrender his passport. When I was asked to meet him face to face, this guy's attitude has changed. He was apologetic, almost kneeling down to ask my forgiveness. This is the right thing to happen to kind of people like him. The police asked me whether I would formalize the complaint. They will be holding him in bars, will bring him to court and will make him pay to compensate the damages he caused. RIGHT! Let him suffer and he will never do this again. But then when I looked back at him, he was so humiliated. If I do what is right, everybody will know and will laugh at him, ridicule him and he will hate me for the rest of his life. I had to make a decision. Kindness over being right. I chose to be kind-i forgave him. He hugged me and apologized in front of everybody. He called me that afternoon and said how thankful he was to me for letting him go. I told him, "Do yourself a favour, be kind to everybody."
I received lots of calls after that incident, everybody would like to know what happened and what I did to make even with him. I decided to just say we solved the problems amicably. No need to give the details. No need to impress them by telling the truth - how humiliated the guy was in front of his boss, the authority and myself. I decided it is not necessary to say the unkind truth. I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.
Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things:
1) Is it true?
2) Is it kind?
3) Is it necessary?
It is right to say something that is true, but is it kind to say the truth? Is it necessary that you say an unkind truth? Funny that I read this everyday but I still tend to forget it. My memory fails me? No. My self control fails me. Saying something needs a real good decision-making, too, even though it is the truth.
I know a person who gossips a lot and makes somebody look really very bad. We know each other only by name and I am very sure he doesn't know me at all. One day, a close friend told me that this guy commented something "below the belt" about me. I was so furious because I have never met a person who can easily say rude words to somebody not acquainted to him. I did not let the day pass without giving this person a lesson. Immediately I contacted the commander of police and lodged my complaint. They picked him up from his office, started questioning him and even asked him to surrender his passport. When I was asked to meet him face to face, this guy's attitude has changed. He was apologetic, almost kneeling down to ask my forgiveness. This is the right thing to happen to kind of people like him. The police asked me whether I would formalize the complaint. They will be holding him in bars, will bring him to court and will make him pay to compensate the damages he caused. RIGHT! Let him suffer and he will never do this again. But then when I looked back at him, he was so humiliated. If I do what is right, everybody will know and will laugh at him, ridicule him and he will hate me for the rest of his life. I had to make a decision. Kindness over being right. I chose to be kind-i forgave him. He hugged me and apologized in front of everybody. He called me that afternoon and said how thankful he was to me for letting him go. I told him, "Do yourself a favour, be kind to everybody."
I was reading this back and laughed at myself because, although I did not tell people what happened so I won't humiliate him, I wrote everything that transpired. Am I unkind? Sorry. But I wanted to write this and remind myself what I was capable of doing when pushed to the limit.
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