I Tried...

"...Roman god, Janus. My mother gave it to me when I was little.
She wanted to teach me people have two sides.
A good side, a bad side.
A past, a future.
And that we must embrace both in someone we love.

And I tried."

This is a dialogue of Angelina Jolie in her movie with Johnny Depp, "The Tourist". These are striking words. Words that emphasize great love to a person no matter what or who he is.

When I was little I was an idealistic girl. I wished to fall in love with a person who is all good - a perfect guy. Somebody who I can introduce to my family and be very proud of. I wished this guy to be kind, to be humble, to be God-fearing, to be educated, to be good looking, to be rich, and most of all I wish this person to love me as I am. Somebody who will want to change only one thing in me - my last name.

I was idealistic, now I am realistic. I couldn't find these qualities all in one person, like all these couldn't be found in me. I realized I am a nobody - an imperfect person. As imperfect as I am, I fell in love with an imperfect guy. A guy who didn't finish his studies, a guy who had a "past", a guy who was not rich. I was lucky he's good looking, kind and boasted of his determination as a man to provide his love ones all the necessities.

As imperfect as we are, we had an imperfect marriage. A marriage that was a rollercoaster ride. There were ups and downs, laughter and pressures, love and disagreements. All these made us both strong, both matured, both knowledgeable, both accept our strengths and weaknesses. But these didn't change the fact, we're two different people, unique in ourselves. Some relationships are possible but because of differences it is sometimes very difficult to sustain. One thing I have to say...

"...people have two sides.
A good side, a bad side.
A past, a future.
And that we must embrace both in someone we love."


And I tried.

There Would Be No Fear

"Noken wori. Laik blong Big Man." says Ekop Boka

Ekop,64 years old, is one of my most loyal, and my second longest serving employee. He's been with me for 12 years as a carpenter, a cleaner, an errand. I was asking him if he knew about what is happening around the world. I told him about the biggest moon this week. He said he was asleep. I told him about the NZ and Japan quakes and the tsunami. He heard and felt sorry for them. I asked about the war at Libya. He didn't know but is sad to hear all this. I mentioned to him about 2012 prediction. He smiled and said "Mipla mas tenkim God...laik blong em" Translated, "We must thank God, His will be done."

I felt lighter after this short talk with Ekop. He is very simple, maybe also tired for his age but his spirit is still very alive. I searched deeply in my heart. His words are what I would like to hear. I have read about the Mayan Calendar, the predictions of Nostradamus, 2012 prediction and what is currently happening around the world. I was feeling very worried and very scared. How should I prepare? How could I save myself, my family and all that I love? What if? And just thinking about all these makes me scared even more. I am so attached to this world, I am so attached to this life that I forgot, we are all just transients in this world. We too shall pass when He says "It's over, your time has come. Join me." Then we have to go.

We do not hold tomorrow but our lives are in God's hands. In everyday life, we have to be prepared. What preparation? We have to trust in His love, trust in His faithfulness to us, then no matter what happens, there would be no fear.

On the Right Track

It is the time of the month that I crave for sweets, the time of the month that I suffer from excessive water retention. I regularly check my weight and saw that nothing's happening. I made another deal with my friend. We agreed to leave the weighing scale this weekend and I will lose 2kg by next Saturday.

Though we agreed, I did not stop from doing my daily exercise. In fact I learned that if you maintain the exercise, you also just maintain your weight. I have to eat less and work more to lose another kilo. Thanks to a friend who added Zumba (Waka-waka) to my activities and few hours in the badminton court helped a lot. Yesterday was supposed to be another "judgment day", though not official I stepped on the scale and was very happy about the result. I'm on the right track. I weighed just few little lines above 66kg.

My prize? 2 pcs bananas and that yummy pastry he bought with him in the office.

A Simple Prayer

Reading my journal, I came across this short prayer. I now do not remember whether this is my own or if I borrowed it from somewhere. But please allow me to share it.

Dear God,

I trust that no matter what happens in my life, it is for my highest good. And no matter what happens in the lives of those I love, it is for their highest good. From all things that are put before us, we shall become stronger and more loving people.

I am grateful for all the beauty and opportunity you put into my life. And in all that I do, I shall seek to be a channel of your love.

Amen.