Christmas Experience with Amin

Christmas is the most special time for the kids. This is the time other than their birthdays that they receive gifts, lots of them.

I just got back from the Rotary Xmas Dinner tonight where I was tasked to prepare the programme and the gifts. I got all member's kid's names and ages and spent a day shopping for their gifts. At the party, all the kids were seated together in one long table while we and our guests have our own tables. After the Rotary grace and toasts, dinner was served followed by the most awaited time - the gift giving. The kids' eyes lit up when I mentioned to them about the gift prepared for them by the club. I asked them to sing a song first, impromptu, though all shy since they are not all acquainted to each other, they were able to sing "Jingle Bells" together. And they won their gifts for that song. Being the youngest, I decided to give little Amin his present first. He quickly asked if he can unwrap it. I suggested that he ask the "big people". He just looked at the members seated at the other end and everybody shouted..."open it"! He was so excited but got very disappointed to see a big box of Cadbury Chocolate underneath the wrappers. He wanted something not edible. The other kids were very happy and opened up thier gifts too. They started playing with their toys and others started eating their chocolates. Amin, the next minute I saw him had teary eyes. His mom said it's past his bedtime and he was already very tired. After few games, we had the raffle. The last winner was Amin. His grandpa after the party was giving him another wrapped gift. He looked at it and said, "it looks like the box of my chocolates. I don't like it. I like this one." He came to me and said " Thank you very much for my gift and this prize", showing off a plastic bag with 2 Nestle mugs inside, " I like it very much." That prize was just a give away from Nestle but this little boy liked it better than the gift specifically chosen for him. He walked back to his parents after giving me a goodbye kiss. That was the first time I met Amin but he has shown simplicity, sincerity and sweetness as a little boy. He is a good description of innocence in a child.

Work and Pleasure

It's been a busy week for me. I flew out of PNG on Thursday, 3 Sept, to Singapore then to Kuala Lumpur. I was met by my supplier who brought me to Cititel Midland Hotel (top was the view from my hotel room) where I stayed for two nights. The hotel is next to the biggest shopping complex in Malaysia - Mid Valley Megamall. You wouldn't be surprised why I could shop the whole of Friday.

Saturday afternoon, I joined the family of my supplier to Genting Highlands, the great city on top of the mountain. Genting Higlands is the only place in Malaysia that would not follow any speed limit. It is very popular for its Casino, hotels, theme parks, landscaping and its very cold weather. We stayed in Highlands Hotel where only the Casino VIP's are accommodated. The view from the room was superb. Even though I've been to Genting uncountable times, I still make sure that I visit the place each time. It is the place where I feel very relaxed. I always cannot find the right adjectives to describe the peacefulness I feel.

Bottom is the view from my hotel room of the cable car that lifts tourists to the top of the city in the mountain.

I took a short nap before we were brought by limousine to the Arena of Stars where we watched a live concert by MLTR. It was a big night and even though the chilly, cold wind touches my cheeks while walking back to the hotel (we decided to walk to join all the others who watched the concert, and also to enjoy the coldness of the night) it felt just wonderful.

Top: MLTR performing at the Arena of Stars.

We drove back to KL on Sunday and it was the start of work for me. Work, work, work. Until now, I am still working. I just try to find time to relax by writing about it.

One or the relaxing place is below...more write ups to follow.
the water falls in the outdoor theme park with hundreds of coy fishes

some of the coy fishes, hundreds more swimming around

Reunion Lessons

For many years, I have been praying to God for assistance. To always guide and guard me in everything I do. I thank Him in most of the things I have. I thanked him for all the graces, all the pains, sadness, joy, problems and all. There are times also that I ask God, “why is this happening?” in case some things are not acceptable to me.

Our batch reunion (11 July 2009) is an eye opener. I met most of my mates who I have not made contact with for over 20 years. The reunion day it self is full of laughter. We said hello’s, updated each other of our present lives, played games, ate and drunk merrily. Things seemed okay, not until days of talking and story telling or “gossiping” after our reunion. I found out how we are all the same, and how we are all so different from each other. No matter what status in life we are in now, we have our own problems. Most of the problems I heard are so common. He/She got married, he/she separated from partner, he/she is sill single, he/she wants to leave jobs and he/she needs a job. Different gravity of problems but still each has problems in lives. How we deal with our own problems depends on how strong or weak as a person we are. This made us all the same – we have our own problems.

Some of my past classmates are so rich. So rich that they can afford to travel anywhere they want, anytime they please. Some are so rich that one can afford to buy cars or build a multimillion house and live there only on weekends or stay there only for the holidays. Some can employ few helpers, gardeners, cooks to make life easier for them. Others live a middle class lifestyle. They work, they survive. They can afford to have the necessities in life. Can buy clothes and food they NEED. They are happy and saisfied. Some are so poor. Poor that they cannot find a job, do not have enough to even sustain them for the day/week. While few have houses, some don’t even have a roof of their own to keep them sheltered. They survive but with so much pain, so much problems, too much heaviness that I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I have enough and somehow still can complain, I sill can ask God, “why is this happening?”

I realized, there are really lots of things to thank God for. If we are to throw our problems away, we may end up picking up our very own problems if we found out what others have. The problems that are given to us depend on the capacity/ability we have to handle them. All problems have solution. Do not loose faith in God. He knows what he is doing. Be thankful all the time. The reunion also allowed me to think of other things. I remember what Fr. Louie Castaneda said in his homily during our Reunion Holy Mass. “You have to create a support system for each other”. Support for the ones who become so weak. Weak in every sense depending on what support we can give. If all my batch mates will focus on this message, I believe we can find solution to some, if not all, problems of each other.

I asked myself, ”my next project”? Communicate and find the possibility of creating that “support system”. Reunions are not there to gauge each others achievements. I felt reunions are held to help compliment each other. It is not enough to know which class (upper, mid or lower) you belong. Each needs a hand on anything. Be it spiritual, moral, etc. Being able to extend to others the needed support they deserve will make each reunion a more memorable, more productive one. One each will always look forward to the next time around.

Never Enough

A view from Ricky's house

After the 11 July 2009 batch '81 reunion at Ralph's Resort, we (my batchmates and I) became closer than ever. We exchanged email adds and contact numbers. We sent text messages, emails from then on, trying to update each other and planning gimmicks for the group. The most recent was the visit to Ricky Pusag's home. It is located at the "home for the rich" Ayala Greenfields. His "glass house" is on top of the mountain with a very good view of the towns below. Very impressive!!!

The group set a meeting place and was transported by ever generous Onel.
Bottom from front: Alice, Jessie, Zarita, Judith, Dothie, Cecille on board Onel's vehicle

Top from front: Mario, babyruth, Ajun, Giselle, Daisy, Alice and Dodie

the hosts, Ricky and Cindy

We were warmly welcomed by Ricky who introduced his wife, Cindy and their little daughter. He gave us a tour of his "palace". The home is surrounded with flowing water. A good feature for feng shui. He created a small pond at the back which stretched and flows to a waterfall in front of the formal living area. The same water again flows around encircling the whole house. The sound of the flowing water creates a relaxing mood and also a sophistication in the architecture of the house. He showed each room which we all posed at to take photos (photo addicts).

top: at the formal living area

bottom: got hungry touring the magnificent house, may we have some?

The tour ended with a nice lunch. Some of us brought something to share. I brought chocolate cakes which I really enjoyed as dessert after each stories told about each other. After lunch, we watched the video of Ricky's wedding and the video taken at the reunion. It was shown in the very nicely set multimedia room. Some were sitting comfortably on the floor, while others were sitting on the nice native style lounge seat. I made myself comfortable on the reclining chair which Dothy shared with me. We were all laughing at the games we were watching. There were teasings, side comments and unending laughters.

It was a laughter filled day, more stories shared, some personal opinions and advices given. It's been a long day for me and I wish to stay on but the video made me dizzy. Thanks to Leland who picked me up and Maricor with Dina who dropped me back home. And we never had enough. A trip to Majayjay, Laguna was being planned before we left. See you all again, soon.

Below are some more photos.

top: in front of Ricky's house with its magnificent landscaping

top: Babyruth, Giselle, Cor, Dina, Daisy by the house entrance
bottom: at the multi-media room after watching the video

Jocas:" I can almost touch the skies :)"

bottom: inside Ricky and Cindy's room

Bottom: top deck of the house

A Sequel To Our Past

It's been 28 long years since our elementary graduation. It is a great gesture for the organizing committee who made it possible for our batch to reunite, relive the stories and learn from each other once more. 11 July 2009, at Ralph's Resort at Los Banos, Laguna, Philippines- that's where it all happened - Sta Cecilia Catholic School Batch 81 Alumni Homecoming.

Seeing friends who I grew up with, learned my ABC with, my 123, and English rhymes with, is an experience worth spending a costly air ticket just to be with them again. It was a blessed sunny day which we started with the registration (I don't remember a register book though :)) and of course the trademark of Sta Cecilia Catholic School - a Holy Mass before any event.

Our past teachers were there too. Mrs Peltra, Mrs Alemania, Ms. Wagan, Mrs Ramos, who still have all their prowess in making us listen and understand bits of what they have to say, said their short speeches - just like the good old(younger) days.

I was looking at all my former classmates faces, trying to fit the name to their faces. The ladies' faces had slight changes from most good to better, the shapes are a lot changed though, but I still easily can name all of them. The gents are all different now. Some of them have grown "bigger" and the others became slimmer.

After few hours shaking hands with them, telling jokes with them and taking photos here and there, all the old memories and faces and names and all came back.

We were like small kids again. We teased, we laughed, we played - naughty and matured games this time, not anymore the wholesome, teacher assisted, nun-spied games.
It was a big, long day and most wouldn't want this day to end. There were singing, dancing, eating, drinking or just merely talking.

Most swam as it was a hot day/night. I didn't intend to swim at all (partly because I have a big pool at home). But we were like kids again, and the boys won't take a no for an answer. Even though I said "NO" their guts said yes, I was thrown into the water like everbody else who did not want to get wet.

Before we all parted (some stayed overnight and enjoyed what is remaining of the wonderful day), we exchanged numbers, email addresses, hugs, kisses and warm thoughts.
We may never pass this way again. It will take years before we all can be together again, and when that happens, we wouln't know if we still can make it, if we are still around. Just like what Fr. Louie Castaneda said and the teachers who gave their own speeches - we have to live life to the fullest.

We may never cross each others paths again, let this day be a beginning of tomorrow. Let us "create a support team" for each other. Assist one other in our journey towards life...out there with God.

Correct Me If I Am Wrong

17th June 2009, 4:30 pm, I rang up my lawyer and asked "Did you settle?" He had a very long pause and replied, "No." I almost did not breath until he laughed from the other end of the line retracting what he just said. "I mean, yes, we did. I just would like to know if there will be a sound at your end if I will say no." Thank God. It's been very stressful 5 years for me and I am so thankful that the drama is finally over. This is start of a new life for me. A turning point. Although I owe bank a lot of money, I know that all this will be mine. Everything I worked hard for is saved. All I have to do now is to be focused on everything I do and continue the passion I have for what I am doing.

Looking back, I was so stressed those long years but the presence and support from my family and good friends made things bearable for me - they saw me cry, took care of me when I was sick, comforted me when I was so down, listened to me when I was so confused. I am thankful too to the priests who prayed for me and gave me wise advices. They are the ones who had helped me survive all the pain I had. I treasure them and hoping I can show how sincerely I would like to thank them.

The way my parents had raised me is one of the best factor that lead to this result. I was raised by parents who fear and trust God. When things were not bearable anymore, family and friends were there for support but God has lifted my spirit and pushed me to trust in Him. Nothing is impossible if we just call upon Him,and hold on to His promise that never will He abandon us. Witnessing to the greatness of God, I have asked Him to stay with me all the time. I invited Him to be a partner in everything I do, everything I venture with. That He guide me in all decisions I make and forgive me should I make mistake or should I sin. Everytime I am in doubt, I always pray. I tell him how confused I am. That I am leaving to him everything. That if there are mistakes in the decisions I will make, I am pleading him correct them.

I remember my banker asked me, if I think doing what I did is fair for me. I answered him that I honestly do not feel that it is fair for me. But I always believe that God never sleeps. God never blinks. He'll make things fair for me. And that is enough for me to feel that I have made the right decision.

Zzzzzzz.....

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her.The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his / her hundred percent.
This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee, etc. Give your 100% to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Planting The Seed

It's been 3 long years and 5 months before Keira was able to say the word "mama". For a normal kid, the first words they'd learn are "mama" and "papa". Keira grew not having a dad, we understand she won't learn that word. But her mom was with her all the time. Even I taught her to call me "mama", but with no luck. She would call me "Oi" or her mom, "Ate Apo". Only few days ago, we were telling her to follow us. "Ma...ma..." and she did it. From that time on, she proudly calls her "MAMA". This morning, she was outside and yelling, "Mama! Mama! white!" (Mama! Mama! Wait!). It took us a lot of patience, perseverance and courage before we were able to achieve what we want.

Patience is a virtue. I used to have a lot of it, but stress had made me very moody and impatient. I feel sad that most of the time I expose my impatience when I am with my son. My younger sister told me AJ is 4 years younger than his real age. It was because he was baby-ed by my parents, and my siblings being the first and only nephew for a long time. She told me to be strong and not let him easily get what he wants. It's a dillemma.

Every afternoon, after school, I would tell him to change from his uniform and put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I would tell him to take out glasses and saucers out of his room and to the kitchen sink. I would tell him to turn the tv and fan off if he is leaving his room. Same "sermon" eveyday, never did he learn. He still need to be reminded - all the time. Tuesday afternoon, when I got home, I came to his room and he was lazily lying on his bed cuddling his sausage pillow. I was starting my daily "nagging" when I noticed he was already wearing his casual shirt. I checked the floor and there was no dirty uniform, no drinking glasses, no plates. I asked him and he proudly said - "all dirty clothes in the laundry basket, all kitchenwares sent to the sink." Wow! My son is improving. I smiled. I praised him for that and started heading to my room when I noticed...1 of his dirty socks lying on the floor next to his tv. LOL! I wanted to nag again but talked nicely instead. I pointed to his socks and asked, "Are you reserving that for anything?" "Oops", he said, "sorry, missed this one". He picked it up and brought it to the laundry basket.

There are things that we want to emphasize to people but we feel that most of the time we are ignored. It is like planting a seed of patience, perseverance, and a lot of repetitions. Before you plant a seed you need to do few things in repetition. Make your hands dirty to loosen the soil so it is light and soft enough for the seed to germinate. Give enough fertilizer, sun and water. You have to keep soil moist, not soggy and not allowed to dry. If the soil becomes hard, you need to cultivate it again so water and air can freely circulate around the seed. You have to check it all the time (even from pests too) until it grows its little root, then its little leaf, little branch. Until it grows into a plant. A plant that will either bloom flowers or bear fruits. A plant that will make you feel relaxed and be proud of in the future. Not easy to do but worth all the effort...planting the seed.

Not Settling for the Second Best

My late husband used to tell me, I should always be the leader in everything I do. The first in all the things one could have. When I choose things, I should go for the best, not just the second best. When I do something, do it big, big enough to make me the leader in that category.

Sports. The members of the Lae Filipino Badminton Association consider me as the weakest among members in my category. Winning even in practices is not possible unless I teamed with a stronger partner.

Same goes with target shooting and archery. I was not bad at all with these sports but because I did not pursue my interest, how can I be the best, I can't even be the second best?

Work/Business. I am so inspired in doing a lot of things but the problem I have right now has kept my plans on pending. And it is affecting the business. How can I be the best?

Lovelife. Lovelife? LOL! What am I going to say? "I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough...", that's what the song says and I am borrowing those lyrics. Can I still be the best? There's a need for two to tango.

Family. Mother to a teenage boy, it is very difficult. There are things that I do not understand and things he doesn't want to hear me saying. In this area I am wishing to be the best for him.

Practice makes perfect. I should set my mind properly. There is nothing impossible if I will put my focus into it. It will be difficult, but what is easy in this life? So since everything is difficult why not give what it takes and aim for the best? I will not be "not successful" in this. There is always only one person I have to beat - myself.

Keira, A Blessing

Keira, bottom, in one of our jogging spree at the Yacht Club
I always want to have a daughter. A little one who has my eyes, my nose, my lips. A daughter who I can dress up in pink little tops and tie her hair with pink hair clips. Every mom wishes to see a replica of her. Unfortunately I am not blessed a gift of a daughter. And at my age, and my status, I think it is far from possible that I can have one of my own. But I should not be unhappy for what I do not have and be thankful for what God has given me. I have AJ, my only child- a son. And though I do not have a daughter, I am priviledged to look after a little girl, not my own, but my son considers her a baby sister. She is my haus meri's (house girl) daughter, her name is Keira.

Keira was born on 8th December 2005, same birthday as my late husband's. She was dead when she was born but was revived by the doctors. The nurses informed Apo, my housegirl, that she is going to be very slow. And so she is. When she was less than a year old, I noticed she had crossed eyes, and her left hand and arm is weak, so is her left leg. I contacted my sister in US to ask her what I should do to fix her inabilities. Everyday, I massage her feet, her legs, her arms, her fingers and hands. She couldn't stand when she was turning 2. I did not give up. I kept massaging her every morning. And now she's 3, she's not just walking. She is running. Her little left fingers still have difficulties in grasping and holding things but slowly she is starting to move it. Hopefully, she will slowly start to use it for holding things. Now she's 3 and she answers phone at home. She couldn't speak properly yet but I am happy that she can do little things that normal kids can do. Though slow, she can understand things and have shown herself as a very energetic and sweet little girl. She helps her mom in cleaning the house. She calls everybody by name except her mom and myself. She calls her mom Ate Apo (translated from our Filipino language it means big sis, Apo) and she calls me "Oi".

Every morning when she comes to my room she used to call me "Tita " (Auntie) and I respond to her, "oi" which is a very informal gesture of acknowledgement. From that time on, she would call me "Oi". Very funny but I am happy that she is learning things. And she calls herself too, "KiKi". I do not have a daughter of my own but Keira has given joy to the house. Her smiles can warm my heart. I feel very joyful to be able to communicate with her. She is a blessing to Apo. I consider a blessing to my own family, too. I'm still wishing for a daughter, but very happy to have Keira with me.

Kindness Over Being Right

Posted on my office wall:

Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things:

1) Is it true?
2) Is it kind?
3) Is it necessary?

It is right to say something that is true, but is it kind to say the truth? Is it necessary that you say an unkind truth? Funny that I read this everyday but I still tend to forget it. My memory fails me? No. My self control fails me. Saying something needs a real good decision-making, too, even though it is the truth.

I know a person who gossips a lot and makes somebody look really very bad. We know each other only by name and I am very sure he doesn't know me at all. One day, a close friend told me that this guy commented something "below the belt" about me. I was so furious because I have never met a person who can easily say rude words to somebody not acquainted to him. I did not let the day pass without giving this person a lesson. Immediately I contacted the commander of police and lodged my complaint. They picked him up from his office, started questioning him and even asked him to surrender his passport. When I was asked to meet him face to face, this guy's attitude has changed. He was apologetic, almost kneeling down to ask my forgiveness. This is the right thing to happen to kind of people like him. The police asked me whether I would formalize the complaint. They will be holding him in bars, will bring him to court and will make him pay to compensate the damages he caused. RIGHT! Let him suffer and he will never do this again. But then when I looked back at him, he was so humiliated. If I do what is right, everybody will know and will laugh at him, ridicule him and he will hate me for the rest of his life. I had to make a decision. Kindness over being right. I chose to be kind-i forgave him. He hugged me and apologized in front of everybody. He called me that afternoon and said how thankful he was to me for letting him go. I told him, "Do yourself a favour, be kind to everybody."

I received lots of calls after that incident, everybody would like to know what happened and what I did to make even with him. I decided to just say we solved the problems amicably. No need to give the details. No need to impress them by telling the truth - how humiliated the guy was in front of his boss, the authority and myself. I decided it is not necessary to say the unkind truth. I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Surprises

The Bernarte family, all just woke up and already getting ready for the next "stroll".

I adore surprises. Last year April 2008, I and my siblings decided to go back to Philippines to have a family reunion. The original schedule was July and our parents were fully aware of the date. Due to airfare high and low seasons, we decided to make it earlier. My sis and her family from US were coming back 29 May and we were to come 31 May. We planned to surprise our parents. My brothers and sister in the Philippines started fixing bits and pieces for the reunion. They tried to do it quietly so my parents won't suspect anything. While they were quietly preparing in the Philippines, we were also preparing something in PNG. Our idea was my siblings and kids will pick us up from the airport in Manila and on our way to our hometown in Laguna we'll teach the kids some Christmas songs. We will then proceed to the family house. This will surprise them. We were imagining, in the middle of night of May 31, we'll sing carols in front of our parents' house. They will be thinking "what the...carolling in May"? As soon as they open their door, they will see us and their grandchildren serenading them, we're home!!!-what a perfect plan! This is something important because we never had the chance to spend Christmas together with our parents.

Surprises, surprises. Everybody got very excited that my brother, Alvin, overdid decorating the house. My dad who was totally uninformed about what was happenning was annoyed by my brother's enthusiasm. My dad was already 68 years old that time. He was very sensitive, he still is. He felt like he is not anymore important. That people does something in the house without consulting him. Alvin's excitedness created some misunderstanding and my mom felt very bad that she couldn't breath and had to be rushed to the hospital. My brother, Alvin, was telling us the story. She was having chest pain. He did not know what to do. He then told her in the hospital, with permission from my sis Mia, that my mom has to get well very soon because we were going to come home. She said, in tears, she knew that we were coming in July and was very sad that these things were happening. Alvin then said, "Hindi, nay, padating na sila sa isang araw" (No, mom, they are coming in 2 days). That was why he was trying to quickly fix the garden so that it will look good before we come back. My mom was so surprised and all her pain's suddenly gone. She said she's suddenly feeling better and they better get home quickly. The problem then was my dad, he will feel that he was left out again, being the only one who didn't know we were coming earlier than scheduled. They had a meeting and decided to let him know. They were able to tell him without making him feel unhappy. Our months of keeping the secret was spilled out. No more secrets.

Leng was scheduled to come 2 days earlier. When the incident happen, they were already in Tokyo. It was too late for us to advice her that the "play" was cancelled. When they landed NAIA, they were the ones surprised to see my parents were at airport to fetch them. And after 2 days, they all fetched us at the airport (with airport escorts courtesy of my sis, Mia). No more surprises but we were all happy that we were able to make it - be back in the Philippines all at the same time. In one of our outings, the kids were still able to sing the christmas songs. We never know when we can do this again. As for my dad, we blamed him for the unaccomplishment of the "surprise" that we prepared. And from that time on, he became very considerate. Knowing that he is very special for us. That he is left out most of the time not because we think he is useless, but because we always want to please him and my mom with surprises.

The kids were still able to perform their Christmas carols for their grandparents,

titos and titas on Father's day at MOA.

Sweeter Vengeance

November 19, 2008. It’s almost 5pm, few more minutes and we’ll be closing the shop for the day. I bought a black forest cake. I like black forest and today is a good reason for me to have a piece. Today is Mayette’s birthday. Everybody is having a piece right now. I looked at my surroundings and saw my staff all smiling. Some are still working while the others are dancing happily to the disco music playing in the background. Then I laid my back on my seat, swiveled my chair a bit. I was thinking of the nice things that happened to me and of course also the “not so nice things”.

When I was younger, I saw myself as a very weak person. My classmates used to tease me, “Iyakin! Parang papaya!” (Cry baby! Like a papaya!). Then I would in one corner just cry feeling ultra sorry for myself. I was a nobody, a second-rate, ugly student in my class. That was my elementary years.

My high school years were no different. My rich and beautiful classmates were still there. My teachers never noticed whether I excelled or not. Not until that day that I was really humiliated. After being scolded by a teacher, and laughed at by my classmates, I became very rebellious. Luckily I took it in a positive way, a challenge. I made sure this teacher will feel ashamed of herself for calling me names. I made sure she won’t forget me. I “burned my eyebrows” days and nights. I had to show her, she was wrong about accusing me. I didn’t give her a chance to even say any negative word about me after the incident. I made it difficult for her not to recognize me. I made sure all my quizzes, my exams, my home works and recitation were all perfect. I made sure she will be looking at me as somebody with capabilities and qualities she thought I never had. I was very annoyed by her, not realizing, in the end I will be thankful for that painful incident in my high school life. Now that memory still lingers in my mind. That teacher’s negative comment made a positive me. I found out I can push myself an extra inch, then an extra yard… I can push myself until I saw there was no limit. I can do it if I want.

I am now seated in my office. If I just sulked myself in one corner that time, I will never know what I am capable of doing. I would be the same cry baby as they used to tease me. My vengeance was of a different sort. My ego was hurt but I saw that pain was an opportunity, an opportunity to prove myself, an opportunity to stand up not hurting anybody but inspiring myself more. Opportunity to live life the way I am living it now.

A Refletion Of Me

"Call me when you get home just to make sure youre ok", exact words I read in a text message I received. Very thoughtful, concerned, caring, and sounds very matured. Something I did not expect my babyish teener, AJ, will send me.

I dropped my son at Greeniche Restaurant last Friday, 24th April 2009. He would like to sleep over at a friend's place. His friend's family happen to be at this resto and they told us to meet them there. On our way, I told him Fridays are not safe days. There are lots of drunkards in the streets. "Since this is also fortnight, rascals are very busy. Days we need to avoid going out alone and at night." He said he considered that already that was why he was asking me to drop him earlier. He wants to make sure mommy will be home before late.

AJ is 13 years old. Although he is a teenager, he doesn't act like one. My friends said he's so baby in his attitude because he is an only child. He is very sweet boy whenever we are just at home but in front of his peers, he acts like a big boy. he doesn't want to show affection and wants to portray an image of a very strong, independent young man. I realized, he has grown so much already. My small baby is now a big boy, a young man. He already knows how to reason out with me. And now, I realized, I should be extra careful. I should not always just talk. I should always have time, in fact more time to listen to him. His voice should be heard because he is the only person I can call "mine". He will be a reflection of what I am. I am very proud of him. He is a very smart, good looking and very caring lad. And yes, most of my friends say he is very much a reflection of me *smiles*.

The Pure of Heart

In my most stressful and lonely days, when I cannot handle the pain anymore, I turn to people who are close to me.  I am blessed to have friends who have listening ears. Friends would always be there to be with me when I needed them most.  But of course there will be time that they won’t be there for me.  Not that they do not want to be with me but because they have their own lives, too.  I could be a pain to them already as I always have something to whine about. They too have their own whining to make, which they cannot tell me because I am too full of it myself.

One morning, I woke up with a very heavy heart.  I spoke with Apo, my house meri, and teased her, “Are you praying for me? Seemed, you are not.”  She looked at me and replied in the most confident manner. “Why are you saying this? You know talking to God is not saying a lot of words. He is here all the time. He hears us as we speak. If I say thank you, He hears me. When I say, please help, He knows what I need.  That is my prayer and I always pray. I pray for us all.” A very simple reply and it did touch my heart.  Everything she said is very true.  This brought me back to the saying that I have posted in my office wall.  “No matter how softly you whisper a prayer, God surely listens, understands and knows the hopes and fears in your heart. And when you trust in His love, miracles happen!”

It is different that I heard this reply from Apo. She is very simple, very meek yet very strong lady. Somehow I felt a tinge of shame for myself.  Here is this lady who doesn't have much in material but have so much faith that God is here. No matter how small a person she is she has helped in making great things in me as a person. She has encouraged me to have faith in prayer.

Original written in 22 April 2009; 12:49pm

Weatherproofing

When we meet a person who we are attracted to, we have the tendency to accept what he/she is. We see the differences between us as something interesting. We take the differences as blessings, "Hey, there will be a lot to learn about each other." We enjoy the other person's company and find it exciting to know there's somebody we can accept and somebody who can accept us, no matter what. We build a relationship, a relationship bonded by acceptance(?).
Allow more time for this relationship, the little negatives which we said we already accepted from the start will be so noticed and discussed. We do not mean any harm but we are hoping to somehow tell this person there is something we do not agree about him/her and is worth changing. "You have the tendency to be always childish. " Not very offensive remark to say but we do not know how the other party will feel. Although we mean good, it may come not good for the receiver. Weatherproofing, that is. When we weatherproof our house, we look for the cracks, leaks and anything that we can patch and fix to keep our house stable, liveable and maintained. This is not applicable to persons. Weatherproofing a person means finding out mistakes, faults, differences that we want to fix. What for? So he/she can be up to our standard. This creates problem than making the foundation of the relationship stronger.

Best about relationship weatherproofing? No can do.

Goroka, Here We Come

A long drive to a place called Goroka. I told everybody to sleep early the night before as we planned to leave before 5 am Saturday, April 11. Very excited, the kids couldn't sleep at all. AJ even decided to sleep with Glenn, Noel and Jun at the tv room. I think they slept very very late. On our way up to Goroka, the kids sitting at the rear seat were so enthusiastic,

...telling stories, jokes, singing and playing.

But what would you expect if they had not enough sleep the night before?

Had a good stretching when we reached Yongki...

...where we also had some food to eat.

...and enjoyed the nice view

and of course the good company...
my family (Yoshi),Ampi, CJ, Byron, AJ and Aldrin

...and friends.

Jun and Noel (top) and Glen (bottom).

And the long journey continues.